I went for a walk yesterday, passing, as I always do, the two men who sit on the bench by the entrance to the park.
They have been sitting together for years, pretending not to like each other.
‘Can’t get rid of him,’ the English one says.
‘See what I have to put up with?’ says the Irish one.
It’s the same double act most days.
I don’t get bored of it.
If you go around 11am, they are sober and shy but if you’re there at lunch, some beer has been consumed, and the declarations of love come out.
I try to get there for lunch.
Yesterday the Irish one - let’s call him Pat - saw me coming and put his big arthritic hand to his chest and said! ‘There she is!’ he said, as he always does.
‘My heart is going pitty pat!!’ he said, tapping his fingers against his chest, three empty cans of Bud next to him.
Then the English one, let’s call him Jim, gave him a dirty look and said ‘That’s not where your heart is.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s to your left, not your right.’
‘Well, this is where my heart is,’ says Pat, fixing his watery blue eyes on me: ‘How’s about it, will we get married? Will we run away? You know, go to that place -’
‘Gretna Green’ says Jim.
‘Is that the place where they get married?’ asks Pat.
Jim rolls his eyes. ‘Yes.’
Pat: ‘And can I go there without a passport?’
Jim: ‘You don’t need a passport to get there, stupid’.
Pat: ‘Isn’t it in America?’
Jim rolls his eyes again and crosses his arms over his chest.
‘You’re thinking of Vegas,’ I say.
Oh yes, says Pat.
‘I’m open to either,’ I say.
‘What’s your Mrs gonna say about this?’ asked Jim.
‘She’ll understand!’ said Pat.
The conversation moved on to the weather and a movie called ‘nuns with guns’ that Pat had watched or maybe dreamt about. Jim talked about the violence on telly these days, and the language… and I tell them I have to head off.
‘But what about the wedding?’ Pat asks.
‘I have to go buy a dress first!’ I said.
Pat smiles and waves me off, ‘We’ll see you, love’
And I walk down the path delighted with myself.
This week my friend Jackie Lynam shared this poem called Small Kindnesses by Danusha Laméris.
I’d never come across it before.
Small Kindnesses
By Danusha Laméris
I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk
down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs
to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you”
when someone sneezes, a leftover
from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying.
And sometimes, when you spill lemons
from your grocery bag, someone else will help you
pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other.
We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot,
and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile
at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress
to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder,
and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.
We have so little of each other, now. So far
from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here,
have my seat,” “Go ahead — you first,” “I like your hat.”
The poem reminded me of the chats with the lads on park bench and the importance of these small moments with strangers.
They might not seem like much but maybe they are everything.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here,
have my seat,” “Go ahead — you first,” “I like your hat.”
Once I walk past Pat and Jim, they’ll smile to the designer mums and say hello to their kids. They’ll say say ‘good man, yerself'!’ to the runners swishing past them in hi-tech lycra. They’ll have long chats over more beers with old guys that, like them, remember how things used to be before the organic flat whites and hipster haircuts.
They’ll be there, rain or shine, saying ‘welcome, welcome,’ to everyone who passes.
And we are all welcome.
What I’m reading
This was really good on the unregulated life coach industry. Would be interested in hearing anyone’s thoughts.
Gary, he of musical talent and broad shoulders on which I cry, took me and my friend Aisling on a ‘forest bathing’ trip to Hackney Marshes last week. I then read this article on how nature is being prescribed by doctors, something that is also recommended in Lost Connections by Johann Hari (the book I have not yet written about but will).
This piece by Tim Minchin on what fame does to people was great. Here is a quote:
“Fame” takes that internal camera we call the “self” and puts it on a massive selfie stick, so when you are in public a percentage of your brain is always occupied by observing yourself in the third person. And eventually you don’t know how to reel that camera back in, even when you’re at home with your partner and kids. You start to believe that you are an entity. You learn to like yourself as much as you are liked, which means, when the trolls come trolling, you tend to hate yourself as much as you are hated. There is a reason why famous people are often screwed up: it’s not that wankers become famous, it’s that fame makes you a wanker.
What I’m buying
Carrot cake.
What I’m watching
Seinfeld. I didn’t watch it the first time around but it’s on Netflix now and I like it. An eighties American comfort blanket.
What I’m listening to
This chat between Elizabeth Day and Graham Norton was wonderful. Graham talks about a near death experience he had in his twenties. I’d never heard this story before. He describes how, while bleeding out, he asked the old lady who found him whether he could hold her hand. He realised it was the most human of instincts, to want to hold someone’s hand… something many of us felt in lockdown.
Lots of good stuff too about his failed attempts to be an actor and how we are told to follow our passion but if the world keeps nudging us in other directions, maybe we should listen to that.
And this with Seth Godin and Debbie Millman was a loving kick up the butt re working every day and letting go of the results. Also I like the way Seth Godin talks about the Minimum Viable Audience. We are in a world that tells us that big is best and he doesn’t believe that’s true. Time to bring back the Aim Medium t-shirt idea. I would link to that post but it looks like my website is offline. I need to renew the hosting or something…
I’ll get on to that once I’ve had my carrot cake.
Love
xx
Gretna Green or Vegas?
Thank you for the letter! I’m happy to read that we are re-watching Seinfeld at the same time. I’m having flashbacks from my younger years;
that show was the reason my boyfriend installed a small tv on the top shelf in our bedroom. The them music still is annoying and the jokes are a bit out of date ( comments on weight, sexuality and so on) but I do still love the show and miss that boyfriend than later became the father of my son! I’m gonna tell my son this story today.
I’m trying sobriety again- 9 years since the last try!
I’m looking forward hearing your opinion on Lost connections as well!
Wishing you a wonderful week!
I’m following https://postsecret.com/ ; a Sunday morning tradition I can recommend for you and your readers!
Have a good week 🌻🌔🌞
Thanks; I needed to read that. Sometimes greeting someone came feel superficial or I can feel awkward. I forget the power of one person being seen and then being “ welcomed “
❤️