Making people cry.

And there's a workshop today. Sorry for late notice.

By a wonderfully unexpected turn of events, I am in France. I am staying in my friend’s apartment and I can’t believe my luck.

I’m working from here, drinking coffee and drinking wine. The same as in London but the wine is cheaper and outside my door is cobbled streets and beyond that the sea. I’m so grateful, I keep texting my friend to thank her. This morning she asked me to stop it with the texts.

I know I am very lucky.

People at home do not seem to be doing so well. Yesterday I did four interviews for an article and two of my interviewees cried.* And not because I was mean to them.

Meanwhile friends I’m speaking to have colds that won’t go, back problems, headaches and insomnia.

In last week’s Writing for Fun and Sanity, we wrote down three words to describe how we were feeling. ‘Tired. Exhausted. Burned out.’ summed up most people’s feelings.

So I suggested we write about how we feel about rest. Some people had a visceral reaction to the word. They were angry at the very idea of it. There wasn’t time to rest! Who had time for that? Rest was a sign of laziness or weakness! A moral weakness.

It is crazy symptom of a productivity obsessed culture that this is how we think. That this totally essential thing is an indulgence. It is not. Even at the best of times it is not - and this is not the best of times.

What we have all been through the last two years is massive. Even if you still have a roof over your heads and a job that is paying the bills and lots to be grateful, it is massive.

Think of everything we have been through.

The panic of the beginning lockdowns, the shock of seeing empty supermarket shelves, the terror of not knowing what we were getting into, the pain of not being able to hug loved ones, of not being able to see them when they were in hospital. The horror of not being able to go to family member’s funerals. The surreal nightmare that was (and still is) the news. The despair of not having faith in the people in charge. The loneliness of living alone. The exhaustion of living with others. The impossibility of home schooling two kids, one with special needs, while doing your own full time job at the kitchen table while your husband is in the bedroom. The impossibility of trying to do work calls while living in a house-share with five others in a three bedroom house, so you resort to doing calls in the bath. The uncertainty around absolutely everything. The topsy turvy feeling of seeing people you know and love post things online about vaccines and conspiracies that you don’t agree with. The topsy turvy feeling of wondering maybe they are right. Who knows what is real anymore? Who knows?

This is exhausting. Even if you have the roof, and the loved ones, and blessings to count it is EXHAUSTING. Physically, emotionally, mentally.

Now is the time to go so so easy on ourselves. Do less, not more.

I said all this to a friend yesterday. She has had a catalogue of mental and physical health issues over the last two years and now she is at breaking point and beating herself up because she is not achieving enough at work.

You need to rest, I said. Stop. Do nothing. Or as little as possible. Call in sick. Take a nap. Watch telly. Anything it takes, just rest. Everything will sort itself out once you are rested.

She told me I should write a newsletter about it.

What I’m reading

This article about the seven different types of rest we need was really interesting. It explains that rest isn’t just sleep. It is restful to be in the company of people we are ourselves with, it is restful to get out paintbrushes and do something creative or dance the night away… sometimes we don’t need to do nothing, we need to do something we enjoy, with someone we love. We need to fill ourselves up. More JOY!

Speaking of which, this photo gives me joy. It’s of 90 year old Molly Parkin who paints every day. Google her, she has had a life… I LOVE HER.

Speaking of having a life, I am reading the Betty Dodson memoir. What a woman! Betty died this year at the age of 91 and was famous for holding masturbation workshops in her NYC apartment. I know a woman who went to one and said it changed her life. She also appeared on one of those Goop episodes on Netflix, corrected Gwyneth Paltrow on her Here is her obit in the NYT.

And on a completely different note, I was pleased to read this: Our £5 million company went bust over night. I know the couple who started this company and they are lovely. I saw them build up the business from nothing - literally their front room - and they were beginning to fly high when lockdown hit and then it all collapsed. I’m happy they pulled themselves back from the brink. Their holidays look gorgeous. They are kind of grown up back packing but done in groups. Great to do if you are single and don’t have anyone to go on holiday with. Check out THE FLASH PACK.

What I’m watching

This!! Go, Stephanie!

I finished And Just Like That, the Sex and the City spin off. I know it was glitchy and weird with all the woke references but seeing Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte felt like seeing old friends. What did you think?

I started watching the Gucci movie but got distracted by Facebook. ** Which was either a sign the movie was slow or is just another sign of my fecked concentration. Speaking of which - this is on my reading list.

What I’m buying

Cheese and wine and cheese and wine and cheese and wine.

What I’m listening to

This was a lovely conversation between poet David Whyte and writer Sarah Wilson. It’s about resting and walking… but in a way that’s much more interesting than how I just put it.

This music video (do the kids even call it that anymore?) is lovely.

Workshops!

We are back for February. Here is the link for TODAY’S session at 1pm UK time. Sorry for the late notice. Back next Sat and the Sat after.

Bisous and pain aux raisins….

xx

*I spoke to a life coach yesterday who made such a good point about how fecked up it is that we stop ourselves and others from crying. We don’t stop people from laughing or smiling. She explained that crying is an important release and nothing to be uncomfortable about. Let the rivers flow….

**I finished the movie and liked it. I loved the hapless, useless character of Paolo Gucci (kept crying, flat was a mess - reminded me of me) and couldn’t recognise the actor. I googled. It’s Jared Leto! Jared Leto of teenage crushes, Jared Leto. He was unrecognisable and very funny. Adam Driver is good, Lady Gaga too. Rubbish Italian accent by Jeremy Irons but I guess it’s OK because he is Jeremy Irons.