What did you learn this year?
It’s New Year’s Eve 2020. I am sitting at my desk by the window and the sky is a kind of blue grey and a man is smoking a cigarette on the corner. When he breathes out there is a cloud.
The street is otherwise quiet, bar the occasional car.
It doesn’t feel like a ‘normal’ New Year’s Eve because it isn’t. It’s been a year like no other and while in some ways it’s ending, in other ways it isn’t. We are still very much in the pandemic and the fog of fear and uncertainty that has come with it.
I have just re-read this wonderful post by Mark Manson. He asked 1300 or his readers about what they had learned this year and this post sums up their answers.
It made me think about what I’d learned and this is what I’ve come up with:
I've learned how hard I find it to work and live alone without a social life to buffer the loneliness.
I've learned how important physical touch is for my physical and emotional health; I have missed hugs so much.
I have learned how lucky I am to have the friends I do; I have deep, honest friendships and they are a blessing.
I've learned that celebrity is meaningless in light of the people who keep the world going every day. Excessive wealth feels immoral in a way it didn’t to me before.
I've learned that I seem to have lost my career ambition and I wonder how long that will last for.
I've learned that small interactions, such as chatting to people in the coffee shop, are a fundamental part of my day. I’ve learned that I love where I live; for the first time in years, I do not want to be anywhere else. I feel at home here, in my life.
I’ve learned that I don’t miss parties or bars or restaurants. At all.
I’ve learned that I spend far too much time watching TV and on social media and they are damaging my ability to think and write. It’s something I really need to address.
I’ve learned that I need a routine.
I’ve learned that I am very good at doing nothing… but I think I always knew that.
I’ve learned that I really don’t need much beyond people I love, a bed to sleep in, nature to walk in, food to eat and a roof over my head - sounds naff maybe but it’s true.
I’ve learned and forgot and learned again that I love dancing, even when it’s in my living room.
I’ve learned that art and music and beauty are more important than I’d thought. In the first lockdown I craved the art galleries I never bothered with in normal times. It surprised me.
And that’s it for now.
I would love to hear what you’ve learned, if you’d like to share. Perhaps it would be a way of making peace with 2020.
I am aware that I write this as someone who did not lose any loved ones or a job this year, so I appreciate this is easier for me than it might be for some of you.
Most of all this year I have learned and forgotten and learned again that I am obscenely fortunate. And still I find ways to feel sorry for myself and I slid into a depression this Autumn, which I seem to be out of now.
Which brings me to another important lesson I forgot to write down: the importance of good health. How funny that that came last.
I still have so much to learn.
xxx
This afternoon I’ll be sitting down with a pen and paper and having a good think about 2020 - the lessons, the highs, the lows etc. I find it’s a good thing to do at the end of the year to process what’s happened, take the lessons and move on.
Here are some questions I’ll be asking myself, just in case you want to do something similar.
Inventory
What were the best bits of this year?
What were the most challenging?
What did I learn?
What surprised me?
What do I not want to repeat?
Relationships
Is there anything I need to say to anybody? Anyone I need to say sorry to, anyone I need to forgive?
Jan Day does a wonderful New Year workshop called Passion Power and Love - which I usually go to. Every year we write letters to those we need to say something to and we burn them in the fire that night, as a way of letting go.
Gratitude
What are you thankful for from this year? Who are you thankful for? Can you say appreciate yourself for getting through it?
If you want to do this in a more formal way I like the annual journal that the Project Love team bring out - Goodbye 2020, Hello 2021. It has similar kinds of questions to the ones above, with space for you to fill out answers and make a big plan for the year ahead. They do a kindle version that you could download.
Also, the ever impressive Tim Ferriss has this forensic approach to looking back on the last year. Thanks to Toni Jones from Shelf Help for sharing this.
Ok, love and hugs and party bubbles to you.
If I stay up late enough I’ll be dancing with Sue Rickards tonight.
Tomorrow I’ll send out another post about some of my hopes for next year. I’m not going to do the whole ‘I’ll quit sugar and booze and television and get up at 5am!’ thing - well, maybe just on Tuesdays - but I have some lightly held intentions. I’ll share them just to give God a laugh.
Finally, I am holding a workshop called New Year Imaginings with my friend Aisling this Sunday 3rd January 1-4pm UK time. It’s not a goal-setting or resolution workshop, more a ‘wouldn’t it be lovely if…’ kind of workshop where we’ll write and meditate and chat. There are just a few spots left.
Love love love
x