It occurred to me the other day that the only time I am not attached to a screen is when I’m in the shower. Otherwise, the phone or laptop is with me. In bed, on the sofa, going for a walk, I can’t even go to the loo now without bringing my phone.
Between Instagram and Netflix, Facebook and iPlayer, I am beginning to feel that I am no longer a person in the real world, I am a mind plugged into the internet almost 24 hours a day.
It’s getting to the stage where I’m scared of being alone with my thoughts for any length of time. I feel twitchy when I’m not swiping, liking, messaging or watching flickering people on a screen.
It occurred to me the other day that the only time I am not attached to a screen is when I’m in the shower.
I was going to quit Netflix for January. I lasted three days - THREE DAYS!! - before the lure of Call My Agent got too strong to resist. I genuinely don’t want to know how many hours of television I’ve watched this year but I imagine it’s enough time to learn a language or write a book. Which, I am supposed to be doing.
I have also tried hiding my phone in a plant pot in the hallway, just to get it out of my eyeline. I end up fishing it out after half an hour. I’ve tried deleting my social media apps and usually end up reinstating them before the day is over.
In lockdown, I’ve let all this stuff slide because it was a pandemic— so what? Do whatever you need to do to get through the day! But that ‘so what’ approach is taking a toll. My brain is addled, my motivation plummeting and I am struggling to read and think deeply, both of which are essential for my job.
I am a mind plugged into the internet almost 24 hours a day.
I am living in the digital shallows and I have a horrible feeling that if I keep going like this, I’m throwing my life away. Which might sound dramatic, but I think it’s true.
So, what to do?
Old me would have gone extreme. Throw my phone in the rubbish! Move to a hut in the forest! Reject technology completely! But experience has told me it’s not the way to go. I barely lasted two days on the Tony Robbins ditch sugar, alcohol, carbs, dairy and coffee regime, before I fell into a bottle of wine and two bowls of cheesy pasta.
So, what would be a more moderate approach?
I started reading Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport in the summer – but, of course, I didn’t finish it. So I’m going to try again. This Sunday’s session, The Kindness Method, with Shahroo Izadi is about how to change habits in a sustainable way.
Shahroo says that beating ourselves up for our bad habits can be totally self-defeating. The best way to start making healthier habits is to be really compassionate with yourself and understand why we do what we do. So in this case, I live alone in a pandemic. It’s understandable that I’ve looked for comfort and company through the screen. And now it’s time to make a few changes…
In the meantime I have written this Werner Herzog quote on a post-it note: ‘Those who read own the world. Those who watch television lose it.’
Yes but had he watched Call My Agent? Huh?
What I’m reading
This article by Giles Coren in The Times was a bit of a brutal reality check. He says TV boxsets have become the equivalent of a KFC bargain buckets, and are making us ‘intellectually obese’. Harsh but true for me.
I also read this article from a few years ago called Why Can’t We Read Anymore? .
And this article in the Wall Street Journal explains why our concentration is so poor right now, in particular; we are in fight or flight mode, and our minds are too busy scanning for danger to get lost in books. It also suggests ways to get back into reading, including reading in the mornings, reading shorter books and listening to audiobooks
And just to add one more depressing article about the state of the world, I read this on The Idler website. It’s about how we are living in a dystopia to match Orwell’s 1984 and Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. Two books I have not read. Of course. Let me order them on Amazon, while watching another ten hours of television…
But!!! Good news! An orgy is imminent according to an article in the New York Post. Yale professor Dr. Nicholas Christakis says that the end of the pandemic will bring an era of vice, indulgence and hedonism, akin to the roaring twenties. Bring it on!
And this article in The Guardian was very thought provoking about how our relationships have changed in lockdown. The writer, Alice O’Keeffe, says her friendships are more deep and honest now. When you ask people how they are they are more likely to tell the truth.
Also I liked this article in The Atlantic about what it’s like to grow up in a family where radical honesty is practiced. I once did a Radical Honesty course. It scared the crap out of me.
What I’m watching
Ok, so maybe this section will be blank in the future but for now, my television recommendations, based on HOURS of dedicated research! First of all: Call My Agent. People have been saying to watch it for years and I was lazy about the subtitles. But it’s brilliant. Clever, funny, subtle - and I loved all the characters in it.
I also watched The Serpent on BBC. It’s a drama about a serial killer in Thailand, who killed hippy travellers in the Seventies. A dark, slow burn that was kind of worth it in the end. I think. I don’t know. It was very stylish anyway and sometimes serial killers just hit the spot, when you need a change of pace from Parisian agents…
Finally, Pretend It’s a City on Netflix is a joy. It’s a series of conversations between Martin Scorsese and writer/actress/wit Fran Lebowitz, who I had never heard of before. She is so funny and clever in her observations about New York, the world and everything. Here’s one example of her delicious wit: "How would I describe my lifestyle? Well, I can assure you, I would never use the word 'lifestyle.'"
What I’m listening to
I’ve been listening on loop to The Keep Going On Song by The Bengsons.
What I’m buying
Vitamins - my energy is mega erratic these days. Some days I’m almost manic and on others I’m exhausted. I’m currently trying this vitamin supplement which my aunty swears by. It’s called Revive Active and it’s powder you put in your water first thing in the morning. I will report back on whether it turns me into superwoman but my history of buying expensive vitamins and still getting sick and tired suggests otherwise. I still haven’t pressed the button on buying a weighted blanket… yet.
Writing for Fun and Sanity - is now on every Wednesday evening and Saturday lunchtime. Each session is different so come to any or all of them. A reminder that this is not a session for writers, it’s a session for humans. All welcome, even if the most you usually write is a text.
Shahroo and I will be doing The Kindness Method workshop 1-3pm this Sunday. It’s about how to change your habits in a gentle, sustainable way.
AND DRUMROLL!!
Tickets are now available for the How to Love Your Life event with Carrie on Valentine’s Day. If you didn’t read my earlier newsletter about Carrie- please read it here. She is the most extraordinary person I have ever met and if she doesn’t end up on Oprah and on the cover of TIME magazine at some point quite soon, I will be amazed. See her here first! I promise you these two hours will make you feel better, no matter what is going on in your life. There is a pay- what- you-can option so don’t let money be what holds you back.
Ok that’s it for now. Blue skies here after a grey week and the sun is shining through the windows, which is nice. I’ve also been getting up early to write with Carrie this week, which makes me feel pleased with myself and I might go for a walk later.
Love to you all and huge thanks for reading. I feel very grateful and lucky that you do. To make sure this newsletter comes straight into your inbox every week, please sign up here.
Hiding My Phone In A Plant Pot