My sister Facetimed me yesterday evening.
‘What’s happening?’ she asked.
‘Nothing. You?’ I replied.
‘Nothing.’
There was a pause.
‘What are you going to have for dinner?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know yet. I had a big lunch so I might not bother. What about you?’
‘I got some soup from that place up the road.’
‘Nice.’
Another pause.
‘Are you watching anything?’ I asked.
‘Not really. You?’
‘Bridgerton.’
‘Okay then, bye.’
She hung up.
I phoned my mum.
‘What are you having for dinner?’
‘I had a late lunch, so I think I’ll just have a slice of toast.’
‘Me too,’ I said.
‘Any other news?’ I asked.
‘No,’ she said.
‘Did you speak to anyone?’ I asked - meaning aunts, uncles, cousins.
‘Anne,’ she said, of her sister.
‘Any news there?’
‘No. All quiet.’
‘Okay then, bye.’
I called another friend and asked her how she was. She said she had no idea anymore.
‘I’m sorry I have literally nothing to say,’ she said.
‘Me neither,’ I replied.
We have reached the post verbal stage of lockdown.
There is nothing to say, nothing to do, and I wonder if we are all cracking up a teeny tiny bit.
The term that’s been in my head this week is ‘fugue state’. I just googled it: ‘Dissociative fugue, formerly fugue state or psychogenic fugue, is a dissociative disorder and a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality, and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state can last days, months or longer.’
Hmm. I wish I had some clever conclusion to make about all this but I don’t.
Instead I’ll ask you: ‘Are you watching anything? What are you having for dinner?’
WHAT I’M READING
I have been reading actual books this week. Yay! First up, The Mermaid of Black Conch by Monique Roffey is gorgeous, sexy and thought-provoking. It’s the story of a mermaid who is brought onto land and the love and chaos that ensues. It’s a great story that asks questions about what it is to be a woman and how we treat the environment. It won the Costa Prize and is getting rave reviews and I can see why.
On the back of the mermaid, I started Girl, Woman, Other by Bernadine Evaristo. It’s been on my bedside for months and I wish I’d opened it sooner. Such good characters and so many stories woven into the book but in a really light way. I wish I could write like this.
From the sublime to the ridiculous, Big Knickers are back according to an article entitled Pantdemic! in The Guardian. The resurgence of big knickers “could be seen as the wearer prioritising their own experience over external pressures,” says the fashion historian Susanna Cordner. Too bloody right!
This Isabel Allende interview (also in The Guardian) was great. She is 78, has written 45 books, and got remarried a couple of years ago. I loved this quote: ‘I separated from my [last] husband when I was 72, and everyone said: ‘Are you crazy? Why are you divorcing in your 70s?’ I’ve never been scared of being alone, because I am self-sufficient. But then Roger appeared in my life. He is a profoundly decent and kind man, and you don’t find them so often.’
I think I’m going to start a document called ‘Cool Women’ and keep all these stories in it just to remind me that there are so many ways to live your life and that you can keep reinventing yourself as long as you are drawing breath.
On the other extreme, this story about single people being publicly humiliated on pancake day in Ireland was bizarre and kind of distressing. Apparently, it was common in the 19th century for Irish people to get married before Lent started and so anyone left unmarried on Shrove Tuesday was mocked and marked with chalk or daubed with ‘raddle’ - a substance used to mark sheep that was really hard to clean from clothing. Bloody hell. Makes being put at the kids table at a wedding seem like a small injustice. Thank you Mary Sweeney for sending me the article.
Finally this piece was really interesting about how many female artists haven’t received the recognition they deserve because they changed their name when getting married. It’s the story of artist Isabel Rawsthorne who, in the 1940s and 50s, was considered an artist to watch, alongside Lucien Frued and Francis Bacon. However, she married three times, and changed her name each time, which meant she was constantly starting again in terms of building an artistic reputation. The article discusses other female artists who were always seen as companions and muses to their husbands and lovers, rather than artists in their own right. There is now a movement to change that.
WHAT I’M WATCHING
Ok, TV snuck in again this week. I watched Bridgerton. I didn’t love it but I liked it enough to watch all the way through and was impressed by the inclusion of period blood, which also featured in I May Destroy You this summer. I was also reading an interview with Sacha Baron Cohen who includes periods in his latest Borat film. Remember when periods meant blue liquids and women rollerblading? Remember when you couldn’t even say the word period? The world is changing and it’s a good thing.
On Valentine’s Day I watched My Best Friend’s Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding and ate a lot of melted cheese. I also had a zoom dinner date with my best friend’s little boy who drew me a card and told me jokes. Do you want to hear one? Are you ready to have your mind blown? Ok. Here goes.
‘What did zero say to eight?’
‘Nice belt.’
WHAT I’M LISTENING TO
My downstairs neighbour, Nelly, has a Cindi Lauper record on vinyl so I’ve been dancing around the kitchen to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, pretending to be young and living in New York in the eighties, surrounded by graffiti and wearing a tutu and having punky hair. I find it worryingly easy to delude myself.
WHAT I’M BUYING
I got some lovely carrots this week. That’s not code for anything. They were just really nice carrots. Very sweet.
This Saturday’s Writing for Fun and Sanity workshop will be taught by my good friend Nikki Walsh and the theme will be around money and prosperity. Money is such a deep-rooted, emotional as well as practical issue and Nikki is a gentle, wise teacher. I will be there as a host and pupil. I look forward to it. Also Nikki shares very good tips for parents who are struggling to be creative in lockdown. Follow her on instagram: @nikkiccwalsh.
As for other events, there are LOTS in the pipeline and I’m waiting to sort a few things out before issuing new dates. Carrie says she is still working her way through the fanmail from last Sunday’s How to Love Your Life session. Thank you to everyone who came and took the time to write afterwards. We hope to do more together and will keep you posted. In the meantime, if anyone needs encouragement with writing please visit @carriejadewrites on Instagram. It’s a treasure trove of free writing resources and support groups.
OK that’s it for now. Grey and cloudy here. It feels like everyone is still in bed.
My friend Tim just posted this on Facebook and it made me laugh: ‘I miss not going out- out. So much so that I can’t wait to be able to go out- out to the point where I wish I didn’t have to go out- out.’
Try saying that after three drinks!
Mx
The Post Verbal Stage of Lockdown