Thanks for sharing this. It was an autoimmune disorder, sarcoidosis, and a damning prognosis that forced me to start saying no. From there, my body, over the last 18 years, has found various other ways to alert me to my no.
Also, I had an Irish Catholic upbringing even though I’m not Catholic (all girls convent school in Dublin, nuns and all) and can attest that feeling guilty is bred into you 😆 I loved this from Naoise Dolan’s latest novel, The Happy Couple: “‘She was teaching you how to be Irish. A no, pursued by a yes. That’s if you want to say yes. If you don’t, it’s a yes – pursued by a no.’”
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!!!! Yep shouty caps and exclamation marks because you're fab and you absolutely deserve not to have the physical legacy of people-pleasing and guilt. For saying 'no' I hugely recommend the Clementine hypnotherapy app and the 'Boundaries' and 'Saying no' sessions. Wishing you healing with a side of self-compassion x
Thank you so much for this - this is literally me to too! Am a big fan of Gabor as well. Love the idea of celebrating guilt! Have you read The Joy of Saying No by fellow LWS member Natalie Lue? Can thoroughly recommend! Hope things are improving! xx
I read two of Gabor's books and they are life changing - and your interview with him here as well! It's amazing what we do in the name of not hurting people's feelings, when we're hurting ourselves.
This is great. I love Gabor's approach and think the wisdom of the body is so fascinating, that it makes us unwell, stops us in our tracks and forces the 'No' that we're unable to say. I love the idea of celebrating guilt as a success! And I would add that my own path to putting my autoimmune disease into remission, centered around learning how to regulate my nervous system. This has changed everything...
This is gorgeous and so honest. I see it with so many of my clients (and myself) .. we put our value in who we are to others before we value who we are to ourselves. That really stuck me about choosing guilt over resentment..... off to ponder that deeply
Great article, thank you. I shared an article yesterday about the need to be nice, as a woman. And setting boundaries. And how awkward it is saying ‘no’. This has given me more to think on x
This just came up as an alert on my page and this is/was my life! Six years on from an almighty breakdown, the death of my Mum and having to let my business go, we sold our house and live on a narrow boat. I'm slowly learning, changing and healing and have found Pete Walker's books so helpful too 😀
I literally could have written this myself. Sole responsibility for elderly parents navigating a broken health care system, whilst trying to build a career, have a baby and a realationship for 9 years broke me. My health and then ultimately my mental health crumbled when the last one past. Currently mid serious mental health breakdown post Hysterectomy for Endometriosis etc. Matè must be right.
Errrrrrrm ... minus the Irish catholic upbringing this is me in so many ways. I laughed as I had actually taken screenshots for reference use in future writings.
This is such an important reminder to why we must say no more! I have found though that when I set boundaries, lots of people around me don't respect them or listen and it makes me anxious. But I have learnt (as with your guilt party) to listen to that anxiety and see it as a compass not something to be suppressed. Thank you for sharing and to better health for us all xx
LOVE this newsletter so much - it’s the first one I’ll have shared/forwarded on Substack. And what an incredible title!!! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
The good Catholic school girl conditioning is real! (10 solid years of nuns…) Layered on top of society's general good girl messaging it's a lethal combo. I completely agree – there is only so long that we can keep abandoning ourselves to do all the things we think we should to please everyone else, to not mess up or get things wrong or be wrong before our bodies and nervous system pay the price for it. I once had a coaching client who told me that for her to let someone down she'd have to be hospitalised so she would be physically incapable of doing what she promised… x
Thanks for sharing this. It was an autoimmune disorder, sarcoidosis, and a damning prognosis that forced me to start saying no. From there, my body, over the last 18 years, has found various other ways to alert me to my no.
Also, I had an Irish Catholic upbringing even though I’m not Catholic (all girls convent school in Dublin, nuns and all) and can attest that feeling guilty is bred into you 😆 I loved this from Naoise Dolan’s latest novel, The Happy Couple: “‘She was teaching you how to be Irish. A no, pursued by a yes. That’s if you want to say yes. If you don’t, it’s a yes – pursued by a no.’”
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!!!! Yep shouty caps and exclamation marks because you're fab and you absolutely deserve not to have the physical legacy of people-pleasing and guilt. For saying 'no' I hugely recommend the Clementine hypnotherapy app and the 'Boundaries' and 'Saying no' sessions. Wishing you healing with a side of self-compassion x
Thank you so much for this - this is literally me to too! Am a big fan of Gabor as well. Love the idea of celebrating guilt! Have you read The Joy of Saying No by fellow LWS member Natalie Lue? Can thoroughly recommend! Hope things are improving! xx
Oh wow! Thank you! 🥰
I read two of Gabor's books and they are life changing - and your interview with him here as well! It's amazing what we do in the name of not hurting people's feelings, when we're hurting ourselves.
This is great. I love Gabor's approach and think the wisdom of the body is so fascinating, that it makes us unwell, stops us in our tracks and forces the 'No' that we're unable to say. I love the idea of celebrating guilt as a success! And I would add that my own path to putting my autoimmune disease into remission, centered around learning how to regulate my nervous system. This has changed everything...
This is gorgeous and so honest. I see it with so many of my clients (and myself) .. we put our value in who we are to others before we value who we are to ourselves. That really stuck me about choosing guilt over resentment..... off to ponder that deeply
Great article, thank you. I shared an article yesterday about the need to be nice, as a woman. And setting boundaries. And how awkward it is saying ‘no’. This has given me more to think on x
Thanks for reading and sharing, Gina. I appreciate it.
This just came up as an alert on my page and this is/was my life! Six years on from an almighty breakdown, the death of my Mum and having to let my business go, we sold our house and live on a narrow boat. I'm slowly learning, changing and healing and have found Pete Walker's books so helpful too 😀
I literally could have written this myself. Sole responsibility for elderly parents navigating a broken health care system, whilst trying to build a career, have a baby and a realationship for 9 years broke me. My health and then ultimately my mental health crumbled when the last one past. Currently mid serious mental health breakdown post Hysterectomy for Endometriosis etc. Matè must be right.
Errrrrrrm ... minus the Irish catholic upbringing this is me in so many ways. I laughed as I had actually taken screenshots for reference use in future writings.
This is such an important reminder to why we must say no more! I have found though that when I set boundaries, lots of people around me don't respect them or listen and it makes me anxious. But I have learnt (as with your guilt party) to listen to that anxiety and see it as a compass not something to be suppressed. Thank you for sharing and to better health for us all xx
ps. Also baptised Catholic (Irish)
LOVE this newsletter so much - it’s the first one I’ll have shared/forwarded on Substack. And what an incredible title!!! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
The good Catholic school girl conditioning is real! (10 solid years of nuns…) Layered on top of society's general good girl messaging it's a lethal combo. I completely agree – there is only so long that we can keep abandoning ourselves to do all the things we think we should to please everyone else, to not mess up or get things wrong or be wrong before our bodies and nervous system pay the price for it. I once had a coaching client who told me that for her to let someone down she'd have to be hospitalised so she would be physically incapable of doing what she promised… x