So powerful as always Marianne. This one I am saving for the future. And I hope you get to be kind to yourself, even if it takes time. I hope this new book is everything you hope for and so much more! I for one cannot wait to read it xx
I’m looking forward to reading your book Marianne as I’m sure many more are. Your honesty is refreshing in an increasingly fake world. I know how hard it is to be kind to yourself. Hoping for energy and lightness for you this year - as well as another bestseller! Lots of love Ali x
Thank you so much for your honesty, it helps loosen my shame and allow me to acknowledge my difficult relationship with fatigue and rest. The enormous benefit of " rest " and its SO bloody hard! (so many more in worse circumstances) and the highly critical self is wanting to blame for a sense of control.
I really look forward to your next book, and I come away from your interactions online or from your writings that there is no exact way or neatly fit endings and its ok, It is a struggle and frustrating but its honest. You live and write out the uncertainty and unknown, the progression and the "failings" and I eat it all up,
With this, it gives me such gratitude to writers like yourself whose stories I've connected with, Also it has helped me keep a diary and helped me acknowledge and give confidence that the illness comes in waves, the good and the bad.
When I read your newsletter, I'm always struck by 2 things: 1. I relate to much of what you express, and 2. how brave you are to be willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. There is no shame - even when others judge us - unless we judge ourselves too. And there is no absolute truth, so if you choose to judge yourself, it's true, and if you choose to show yourself kindness and compassion, then those thoughts are true too. You get to choose. And I write this for myself as much as you, because I get caught up in that "letting myself off the hook" thing too. But really, we can hold ourselves accountable while being kind and compassionate about it. And that's where the healing sits, I think.
I like that idea that there is no absolute truth. And yes that balance of compassion and accountability sounds like the sweet spot. Thank you, Audrey. xx
Isn't it strange how we try to pin down and label who and what we are at a specific time, or within a (sometimes) arbitary period of time? As if we can ever be any one thing. There is always so much going on, so much that is true, even in a single minute sitting in an empty room doing nothing. But we gravitate towards finding what's "wrong", whatever we can eek out that we can feasibly put a negative label onto.
I think that when we give this phenomena a name - the internalised critical parent, perhaps - then we stand a chance of seeing its absurdity and the crazily disproportionate weight that it grabs for itself.
Then we can tell it to fuck off and leave us alone.
As a 42 year old Irish woman, Catholic guilt and shame is the worst. The things that we grew up with in the 1980s, the things that were said, and how women were treated. It feels like a lifetime ago in one way, and I so envy the younger generation here who are not burdened with it and have such strong voices. I am so looking forward to reading your book, and thank you for writing about this topic. Mind yourself and take care, Louise
Ah, Louise, thanks for this comment I appreciate it. It was heavy duty shame wading... and yes I really hope the young ones are completely free of some of the stuff we were brought up with. Do you know Jenny Keane? She is a GORGEOUS Irish Tantra yoga teacher. I go to her workshops and she is a breath of fresh air.
No wonder you are exhausted with having gone through through four years of heavy duty shame wading, plus editing. Your book will be a good thing in the world, I have no doubt. And yes, I follow Jenny Keane on Instagram and she is a TOTAL legend and you are right - she is a breath of fresh air.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be the last generation who suffers from sexual shame? I wonder if that's possible. Jenny Keane is doing her bit to make it so xxx
As someone who's spent most the afternoon asleep and 2+ years on a book proposal (proposal, not even writing the damn thing) I appreciate you sharing all this 💕 hail to the goop phase I also love the concept of holding multiple truths. Can't wait to read your book once it's out 😘
Thank you, your book will come at the right time. You've been dealing with real life stuff and I really am coming to believe that pushing doesn't help. Things take the time they take. Love to you xx
I say have another nap and / or a drink and remind yourself what a cool, kind, clever beautiful human you are, making your way through life with all its ups and downs, surrounded by people who love and admire you xx
To be honest I feel seen when I read your newsletters. I have been struggling quite a bit since 2020. I, too, watch all the British Crime Dramas I can get over here, I listen podcasts such as The True Crime Enthusiast, read books that have a darker theme. I spend so much time working then I go to my apartment where I am alone. No routine, sleep when tired, eat when hungry, try to get fresh air daily (usually fail), there must be something wrong with me! Then when I am feeling compassionate I remind myself of the last 5 years: leaving a long term relationship, living alone for the first time in my life, experiencing loss, depression, recovery, and then a work accident. It’s been… what it was and I am coping the best I can. I see a little more progress each day, it’s infinitesimal sometimes and other times motivational. Thank you for sharing your experiences, thoughts, highs and lows. Cheers.
This is so honest, wise and hopeful, Marianne. 'It happened how it happened... now I'm trying again.' There's so much power in even acknowledging that – as you write (via Dr Kristen Neff), it's the first step to self-compassion. Thank you for writing this. Grateful for you and your writing!
I am with you on the penchant for crime dramas! It's something about the triumph of good over evil and that no matter how bleak things get, justice prevails. They allow you to go on your own hero's journey, as you have with this book.
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I’ve written down those four points for practising self compassion to try out with my daughter (who struggles with anxiety and often blames her body for it). So thank you for those too
Loved every word. I've forwarded this newsletter to friends who find self-compassion hard (count myself in this). Marianne's Writing for Sanity meetups were the first writing classes I took + such a permission slip I'll be forever grateful for
Absolutely loved this. Thanks for your honesty and truth Marianne. x
thanks, Becky for reading xx
So powerful as always Marianne. This one I am saving for the future. And I hope you get to be kind to yourself, even if it takes time. I hope this new book is everything you hope for and so much more! I for one cannot wait to read it xx
Carmen, thank you! I always smile when I see your name. Thank you for reading and caring. I hope you are well and that 2024 is good for you xxx
thank you Marianne! And I wish the same for you xxxx
I’m looking forward to reading your book Marianne as I’m sure many more are. Your honesty is refreshing in an increasingly fake world. I know how hard it is to be kind to yourself. Hoping for energy and lightness for you this year - as well as another bestseller! Lots of love Ali x
Thank you, Ali xx
Thank you so much for your honesty, it helps loosen my shame and allow me to acknowledge my difficult relationship with fatigue and rest. The enormous benefit of " rest " and its SO bloody hard! (so many more in worse circumstances) and the highly critical self is wanting to blame for a sense of control.
I really look forward to your next book, and I come away from your interactions online or from your writings that there is no exact way or neatly fit endings and its ok, It is a struggle and frustrating but its honest. You live and write out the uncertainty and unknown, the progression and the "failings" and I eat it all up,
With this, it gives me such gratitude to writers like yourself whose stories I've connected with, Also it has helped me keep a diary and helped me acknowledge and give confidence that the illness comes in waves, the good and the bad.
Warm hugs and love,
Aileen
Aileen, thank you, and wishing you gentleness in the resting and maybe even fun in it too. xx
When I read your newsletter, I'm always struck by 2 things: 1. I relate to much of what you express, and 2. how brave you are to be willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. There is no shame - even when others judge us - unless we judge ourselves too. And there is no absolute truth, so if you choose to judge yourself, it's true, and if you choose to show yourself kindness and compassion, then those thoughts are true too. You get to choose. And I write this for myself as much as you, because I get caught up in that "letting myself off the hook" thing too. But really, we can hold ourselves accountable while being kind and compassionate about it. And that's where the healing sits, I think.
I like that idea that there is no absolute truth. And yes that balance of compassion and accountability sounds like the sweet spot. Thank you, Audrey. xx
Isn't it strange how we try to pin down and label who and what we are at a specific time, or within a (sometimes) arbitary period of time? As if we can ever be any one thing. There is always so much going on, so much that is true, even in a single minute sitting in an empty room doing nothing. But we gravitate towards finding what's "wrong", whatever we can eek out that we can feasibly put a negative label onto.
I think that when we give this phenomena a name - the internalised critical parent, perhaps - then we stand a chance of seeing its absurdity and the crazily disproportionate weight that it grabs for itself.
Then we can tell it to fuck off and leave us alone.
This is wise, Grania. Yes. thank you xx
As a 42 year old Irish woman, Catholic guilt and shame is the worst. The things that we grew up with in the 1980s, the things that were said, and how women were treated. It feels like a lifetime ago in one way, and I so envy the younger generation here who are not burdened with it and have such strong voices. I am so looking forward to reading your book, and thank you for writing about this topic. Mind yourself and take care, Louise
Ah, Louise, thanks for this comment I appreciate it. It was heavy duty shame wading... and yes I really hope the young ones are completely free of some of the stuff we were brought up with. Do you know Jenny Keane? She is a GORGEOUS Irish Tantra yoga teacher. I go to her workshops and she is a breath of fresh air.
No wonder you are exhausted with having gone through through four years of heavy duty shame wading, plus editing. Your book will be a good thing in the world, I have no doubt. And yes, I follow Jenny Keane on Instagram and she is a TOTAL legend and you are right - she is a breath of fresh air.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be the last generation who suffers from sexual shame? I wonder if that's possible. Jenny Keane is doing her bit to make it so xxx
As someone who's spent most the afternoon asleep and 2+ years on a book proposal (proposal, not even writing the damn thing) I appreciate you sharing all this 💕 hail to the goop phase I also love the concept of holding multiple truths. Can't wait to read your book once it's out 😘
Thank you, your book will come at the right time. You've been dealing with real life stuff and I really am coming to believe that pushing doesn't help. Things take the time they take. Love to you xx
This is all true! Perhaps another one for practicing compassion is imagining talking to a friend / what you'd say to me. Love right back at you ❤️
I say have another nap and / or a drink and remind yourself what a cool, kind, clever beautiful human you are, making your way through life with all its ups and downs, surrounded by people who love and admire you xx
Gorgeous 😍 yes I need a glass of water
To be honest I feel seen when I read your newsletters. I have been struggling quite a bit since 2020. I, too, watch all the British Crime Dramas I can get over here, I listen podcasts such as The True Crime Enthusiast, read books that have a darker theme. I spend so much time working then I go to my apartment where I am alone. No routine, sleep when tired, eat when hungry, try to get fresh air daily (usually fail), there must be something wrong with me! Then when I am feeling compassionate I remind myself of the last 5 years: leaving a long term relationship, living alone for the first time in my life, experiencing loss, depression, recovery, and then a work accident. It’s been… what it was and I am coping the best I can. I see a little more progress each day, it’s infinitesimal sometimes and other times motivational. Thank you for sharing your experiences, thoughts, highs and lows. Cheers.
This is so beautifully written and I relate to every word A LOT. 👏👏 xx
This is so honest, wise and hopeful, Marianne. 'It happened how it happened... now I'm trying again.' There's so much power in even acknowledging that – as you write (via Dr Kristen Neff), it's the first step to self-compassion. Thank you for writing this. Grateful for you and your writing!
I am with you on the penchant for crime dramas! It's something about the triumph of good over evil and that no matter how bleak things get, justice prevails. They allow you to go on your own hero's journey, as you have with this book.
So lovely to be reading your words again, thank you and here's to all the resting. Let's give ourselves a break...
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I’ve written down those four points for practising self compassion to try out with my daughter (who struggles with anxiety and often blames her body for it). So thank you for those too
Loved every word. I've forwarded this newsletter to friends who find self-compassion hard (count myself in this). Marianne's Writing for Sanity meetups were the first writing classes I took + such a permission slip I'll be forever grateful for
Thank you for your honesty. Can’t wait to read the book!